


5 times Alex and Lena had a secret

by TheLionGirl (KissMySelfie)



Series: AC Week 2020 [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 5 Things, AgentCorp Week, Day 2, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24197977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissMySelfie/pseuds/TheLionGirl
Summary: Finally another AgentCorp Week ficOrExactly what the tittles says.In which Alex and Lena have a history and no one knows about it.OR“Have you felt like this before?”“Not like this.”Liar.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: AC Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681270
Comments: 10
Kudos: 158





	5 times Alex and Lena had a secret




Lena probably shouldn’t be in her office after what happened at the conference earlier today, but if she stopped working whenever her brother tried to kill someone, she wouldn’t work at all. Everything considered it went well. Only one casualty and it was the man sent by her brother. There were a few surprises at the end, which she was still processing.

Jess opened the door. It made Lena look at the clock surprised to see it was one hour past the time for Jess to leave. She was still getting a hang of having a secretary.

“Jess, it’s getting late. You should go home, and I’ll wrap up the rest,” Lena told the girl. “ I’m sorry for keeping you ‘till late.”

“Of, course,” Jess nodded. “Miss Danvers here to see you. Another miss Danvers. Should I tell her to come back another day.”

Lena raised her eyebrows. The day wasn’t finished with its surprises. Lena was still for a moment.

“Tell Alex to come in,” Lena finally said, resting against her chair. Jess frowned as she left the office realizing she had never given Lena a name.

She used to know how to deal with Alex Danvers, but now four years past their last meeting, Alex became a stranger and someone she knew too well at the same time. 

She ran her ran through her hair. It was tied in a tight bun, and for a moment her hand hovered over it considering letting it down. She could feel her head already getting sore because of it. Her hands were still by the notion that indirectly she’d be changing her appearance because of Alex.

Alex entered the office looking around like someone had thrown her inside blindfolded. Lena raised her chin to look at the auburn headed woman. Lena had seen Alex earlier, but she hadn’t been able to quite notice Alex. And that meant noticing how much she had changed. Gone was her lanky body. It now looked fit and firm.

“I didn’t think you would have the guts to come here,” Lena said.

“I didn’t either,” Alex put her hand in her pocket. “Thank you for saving my life, earlier.” Alex gulped.

“You didn’t come here just to say that.” Alex shook her head. “Why are you here?”

She shrugged in a movement so shy that Lena was reminded of the Alex she knew. Not everything changed after all. And the fact that it _didn’t_ change, also reminded for Lena to not let down her walls, fighting off the smile that wanted to come to the surface to offer Alex some kind of comfort. 

“I just needed to see you?” 

This time Lena smiled, but it was an aggressive smile. Alex was bold to use that word. “I needed a lot of things four years ago.”

“I know.” Yet there was no apology, although Alex's eyes pleaded for forgiveness. 

“You know, I was surprised when I met your sister. She’s not the monster you made her out to be.” Maybe it was childish of Lena to poke Alex, (Kara was always a sensitive subject), but Lena’s hurt spoke louder this time. Alex should’ve done what she had done the last four years and stayed away. “I wonder which one of the Danvers sisters is.”

“I never said Kara was a monster.”

“But you painted her as such. Except you were never speaking about her, were you? You were just justifying your fears.”

“What do you want me to say?” 

“I want nothing from you. It’s too late for anything you could give me. And if you have no reason to be here, I’d like for you to leave.” Alex nodded and turned to leave. Lena had no expectations, yet she felt disappointed. (Maybe she had _some_ expectations.) “Do you regret it?” She asked before she could stop herself. 

Alex turned to face Lena. “I don’t- I try not to think about it.”

That answer hurt more than any other Alex could’ve given her. 

2.

Lena didn’t plan on being friends with Kara Danvers. In fact, she did everything in her power to push the blonde Danvers away. She had learned her lesson in getting close to people more than once, but there was a common trait between the Danvers: they were stubborn (and awfully passionate).

She resisted her growing friendship with Kara Danvers until she couldn’t anymore. That is until Kara was bringing her favorite donuts because she had a bad day, and Lena was reminded of how comforting Alex’s presence used to be, and how Kara’s energy mimicked that. Maybe Lillian was right, and Lena had a too soft heart because no longer she could push the blonde away for her sisters’ actions.

Kara wasn’t Alex, and that much was clear.

Although the similar comforting energy both sisters had, and their stubbornness, they were much different from each other. While Alex once penetrated her walls with such dexterity that Lena didn’t even notice, Kara wrecked them all at once, investigative and friendly. She was like a puppy that entered her house making a mess of everything and still making Lena fond of her. Alex was like a cat that entered her house, occupying quiet corners, one at a time, until she made all the spaces hers.

Lena loved having lunch with Kara, although half of them Kara had to run off chasing some lead for a story before Lena finished eating. It was nice to have a friend to talk to. She was great at business and could talk about it for hours, but she was human (as a lot of people seemed to forget), and she was young. She liked to gossip about whatever crappy reality show was on TV on Friday night, or her favorite boy band from her teenage years.

Eventually, Alex would come up in conversations. Brief mentions of Alex texting Kara to check on her or reminding the younger Danvers of something, or as a character in one of Kara’s tales. Each time she was mentioned, Lena doubled her attention: first trying to see if Kara had any idea that Lena knew Alex; and second because Lena still cared.

As much as she lied to herself, she cared about Alex just like she cared about Lex or Lillian. She would rather there would exist a button that you could press to stop caring for those who hurt you. 

Since there wasn’t, Lena did the next best thing: avoid them as much as she could. And that meant diverting from the subjects involving one of those three people as much as she could. And avoiding those three people as much as she could.

Thankfully, there were no more surprise visits from Alex since the last time Lex tried to assassinate her.

Lena and Kara were just finished having lunch when Kara’s phone rang. She frowned.

“Is something wrong?” Lena asked. It was scary how fast she was getting friends with Kara. It had been long enough since Lena had a friend.

“Nothing serious.” Kara twisted her lips thoughtful, before turning to Lena with an over-excited smile. “You should come to game night today! I’ve been meaning to ask you last week but you were so involved with your invention I didn’t want to bother. Also, I was afraid I would be overstepping our friendship, which I could still be, but if you think about it, it’s for a good cause or we won’t be able to play guessing games since Alex backed down. You still can say no, if you want, I didn’t mean-”

“Kara,” Lena interrupted her before Kara could choke herself with her rambling. “I’d love to go. Just send me your address, and I’ll be there.”

Kara hugged her before she could say anything else.

Lena partially regretted her decision. She wasn’t good at making friends. She was told to be too stiff, which she completely blamed the Luthors, but Kara excitedly sending gifs and memes during the whole day about game night kept Lena from backing down.

She showed up at Kara’s doorstep just before seven pm with a bottle of wine and with a semi-formal dress. True to her word, Alex wasn’t there, only Winn and James, Kara’s friends. Winn greeted her excitedly, as if not knowing she was a Luthor. James greeted her more accordingly, obviously aware of it.

“I can’t believe Alex couldn’t make it,” Winn complained opening his bottle. “It was my turn to partner with her.”

“Apparently she went out with that detective woman, again,” Kara said.

“Is Alex Danvers making a friend?”

“I know, right?” Kara said excitedly. “I don’t think she’s had a friend since Senior year, which is partially my fault. I was a strange kid,” she told Lena. “ And Alex would stand up for me against everybody else.” Lena smiled, she could see that. 

“The fact that Alex’s first reaction to anything is to punch them probably didn’t help,” Winn butt in. “But it’s cute to see Alex making a new friend. She was all nervous today. If I didn’t know it was a woman, I’d say she had a crush.”

“I've never seen Alex have a crush,” Kara admitted. “Her longest relationship lasted like 2 months during sophomore it before she decided he was too boring for her.” Lena decided to take a sip of her wine to keep herself from saying things she shouldn’t. As much as Alex had hurt her, Lena had limits to how much and how she’d want to hurt Alex back.

“Another evidence for my theory that Alex does not have a heart because obviously she was built by Eliza on the secret lab they have under their house in Midvale: Alex has never fallen in love.”

* * *

* * *

_“I’ve never felt like this before,” Alex whispered. Her breath hitting Lena’s lips before joining them in a slow kiss. They had been at it for a few minutes now, on the couch of Lena’s apartment, while taking a break from their studies._

_Lena bit her lip once their lips parted again, still remaining close to each other. “How do you feel?”_

_“Different.” Alex grabbed Lena’s hand that was resting on her waist. She positioned it over her heart and leaned in for another kiss. This time, Lena held Alex’s lips between her teeth, leading them to another more heated one until they needed to catch their breaths._

_“What is it? Your heartbeat is normal.”_

_Alex hummed. “It knows that it’s you. I feel safe with you.”_

_Alex’s thumb stroked the skin just under Lena’s shirt. Lena not only believed Alex’s words, but she understood them. She had her fair share of kisses that made her heart race. They never felt as good as these. She was too nervous to remember them in detail. Some of them, Lena couldn’t wait for them to end, and the others she just felt nothing about them. With Alex it was different._

_There was comfort in her lips. In being like that with her. They felt safe, just Alex had said._

_“We should go back to study eventually, you know?” Lena said while cupping the back of Alex’s neck leaning in for another kiss. Alex laughed against her lips._

_“Yeah?” Alex pulled away, and Lena used the time to move down her to her jaw, making her way through Alex’s neck. “Is that what you are trying to do now?”_

_“You’re the older one, you should be the responsible one.”_

_“Easy for you to say with your lips on my neck.”_

_Lena’s hand rose under Alex’s shirt while her lips once again looked for Alex’s. Alex’s hips buckled into hers when Lena massaged her breast, still covered by her bra. Her thigh pressed against Lena’s center and she too buckled her hip._

_In moments like that, the faint awareness that soon enough it would be over surfaced on the back of Lena’s mind. That Lillian's voice reminding her not to get distracted_

_“What is it?” Alex pulled away sitting back on her legs. Lena shook her head tidying herself up._

_“We should get back to studying. I got an exam tomorrow, and you do too.”_

_She made her way to the kitchen table where they had abandoned their books open and papers scattered everywhere. She retrieved the half-filled coffee mugs that had been forgotten between hungry kisses. She threw the cold coffee on the kitchen sink filling the mug with water. Lena felt Alex gluing her front with Lena’s back, her hands tentatively on Lena’s waist._

3.

Coming out to Kara seemed easy in theory. She planned the conversation out in her head during the whole morning, and yet the coffee in her hand seemed to be in the middle of an earthquake. All the things coming out of her mouth were half-truths.

“It’s about Maggie,” Alex said.

It wasn’t. It was about Alex. About herself, yet it was so much easier to explain this way to Kara hoping that she would _get_ what Alex was _trying_ to tell her. Alex did have feelings for Maggie, she had a huge crush on Maggie, but lately, she wasn’t the one who left Alex sleepless at night and who invaded her dreams and daily thoughts.

“Are you saying, you’re gay too?” Kara asked.

Gay always felt like an aggressive word. She watched it being spat out as an insult all through her teenage years. She never said like that, she wasn’t sure if she said that word at all more than a couple of times. It seemed such a dangerous word, yet it was just a word. Maggie was the first person she knew to use that word proudly. _Sorry, I’m gay,_ she said to whatever alien guy was hitting her at the bar. She said it like something to be proud of, like she was saying, _sorry, I’m a captain._

Could Alex be gay? She liked Maggie romantically, and she liked Lena romantically but did she had to label herself. She wasn’t bothered by their gender when Alex realized the growing feelings on her chest, but at the same time, she couldn’t say she ever felt that with any men she’s been with.

“I don’t know. I’m just trying to make sense of it all.”

“Have you felt like this before?”

“Not like this.” 

_Liar_.

“Have you ever been with a girl.”

“No.” Alex shook her head as if she could shake away the memory of how Lena’s lips felt against hers, how her skin felt under Alex’s fingertips, and the chills that ran through her spine when Lena kissed just the right place.

By the way Kara was looking at her, she _couldn’t_ tell her about Lena. She couldn’t tell her about the secret relationship she had with Kara’s new friend during college so many years before. It weighed on her chest to keep it quiet. And Alex wasn’t even sure if the should tell Kara. It wasn’t just her secret anymore. The moment Lena hadn’t said anything yet, she had something to gain from that lie.

And so Alex told Kara about Vicky. 

That wasn’t a lie, just an irrelevant truth.

* * *

_Feeling Lena’s lips against hers the first time made Alex’s insides desynchronize. Her breathing became heavy, her neurons stopped working altogether, and Alex’s body moved by instinct to fit Lena’s and accompany her movements. It was as if she had taken control of her whole body, and neuron-less Alex would be more than glad to give Lena all the control. The only thing that remained unaffected was her heartbeat, steady and paced, and that was the strangest of all._

_Lena pulled away, still holding Alex’s face in her hand. Although it was Alex’s body that was pressing Lena against the wall, Lena was the one holding Alex willingly captive. Alex slowly opened her eyes missing the feeling of Lena’s lips on hers. She nodded at Lena’s caring eyes before diving for another kiss._

_She felt Lena’s smile against her lips._

_“You scared me there for a second,” Lena revealed slipping her lips away from Alex’s who was utterly disappointed. She had kissed other people before, but it never felt so good. “I thought I had misread something.”_

_Alex shrugged half paying attention to Lena’s words at the moment. They felt too far away. The world felt too far away. Alex was less aware of the party happening around her than the party was aware of how she and Lena had been entertaining one another for the past minutes._

_Lena gave Alex a couple quicker kisses before telling Alex she’d be right back._

_Slowly Alex managed to ground herself remembering she was in the middle of a half-assed party with enough alcohol for people to have fun. She started making small talk with whoever girl she recognized while Lena didn’t come back. Mostly she just hanged around, every now and then saying something so that her presence wasn’t just ornamental. Lena came back with a cup of something with alcohol. It tasted bad enough that Alex had no idea of what it was. Lena just laughed and gave her a kick peck on the lips._

_Although they were no longer in a dark corner of the room, no one seemed to notice it. On the moments that followed, Alex was sure she imagined it, but a few minutes later when they moved to the couch they were back kissing. And half an hour later they kissed on the cab, and lazily kissed their way to sleep._

_Or at least until Lena fell asleep._

_Alex remained awake for a few hours. Her stomach was turning, and her mind refusing to let her process any of what happened, just glad for the endorphins that came from it._

_Something shifted in their relationship, and Alex became more aware of Lena. She tried to take in every word she said, to memorize everything that she liked, and to make her presence known to Lena. Lena rewarded it with kisses, and Alex didn’t want anything more in return._

_Alex couldn’t remember ever feeling like this. The closest thing she could think of was with Vicky almost ten years before. She was 14 and she could imagine spending her whole life with Vicky. Going to the same university, maybe sharing an apartment. It felt silly compared to what Lena made her feel. Maybe because of how immature it was. She was 14, and she hadn’t even kissed back then. She didn’t feel much more mature now, but she had more experience than she did back then._

_“You’re thinking too much,” Lena said, next to Alex in the study hall. “Do you need help with something?”_

_Alex shook her head. “Just thinking about how great you are.” That made Lena smile and roll her eyes. Alex leaned in for a kick kiss._

_“Go back studying before you burn out all the brain cells you have left by thinking about how amazing I am.”_

4.

The rejection was never fun, and it took Alex a few days after being rejected by Maggie to get out the pity party she threw to herself in her head. Kara helped. (In some ways it also helped to get Lena out of her head for a while, which she was glad. She didn’t something else to torture herself with.)

She met with Maggie at the bar to clear everything up. Mainly to tell Maggie that she was fine with them being friends part. And although her protests, she really needed a friend that wasn’t Kara’s friend first.

“Let me buy you a beer as I told you I would.” Alex nodded and Maggie signaled to M’gann to bring them a couple of beers. “Now this is officially a celebration. And believe, there are plenty of girls out there.” Alex nodded, but at that moment her mind went back to the only one that mattered. “Or there is one already.”

Alex used that moment to take a sip of her beer. 

“Hot damn, Danvers! You waste no time.”

“It’s not like that.” Maggie continued smirking and Alex rolled her eyes. There were butterflies in her belly just at thought of telling Maggie about Lena. How long had it been since she felt it?

“Do I know who she is?”

The answer would be probably, but Maggie was a _detective_ . And worse than that: Maggie was a _good_ detective. If Alex gave her enough info, she might just as well guess who it was, and Alex wasn’t ready for that. So Alex shook her head. 

“You should talk to her.”

“And get turned down twice in less than one week? No, thank you.” In that aspect, guys were much easier. If they were straight and single, she hardly had to worry about them turning her down. They were simple in that aspect. Girls… Well, according to Maggie, Alex was clueless when someone was flirting with her or being friendly.

“I’m not saying for you to unannouncedly kiss her, but like, go talk to her. See if she’s up for a coffee or some beers.”

“That’s the problem. We have some history, and I might have fucked up things between us.”

“What kind of history are we talking about here?”

“Remember how you said that you were flattered to be my first lesbian kiss?" Maggie nodded. "You weren’t.”

“Now you can’t leave it at that!”

“It was college and it just happened. But it went on for a few months and then it got too real and I ran.“

* * *

_“I think we should end this,” Alex said as soon as she entered Lena’s bedroom._

_It was safe to say that by Lena’s face she wasn’t expecting it. For a moment the smile still lingered hoping something else would come and resignify that sentence completely, but it never did. Lena frowned and walked up to Alex._

_“I don’t understand.”_

_“This. This has been-” good, great, better than Alex could ever imagine it could be. “Silly. And I think it’s best for both of us to stop pretending that this was anything more than a joke.”_

_“It didn’t seem like a joke last night. Or last week. Or for the last four months.”_

_“I think we had different understandings about what it was.”_

_Lena smiled crossing her arms. It was the smile of a woman that could destroy a person without moving a finger._

_“I don’t think we did. I think you are scared. That for some reason you just realized how real this feels, and how right, and how much you want it. And you are scared. I won’t beg you to stay, and maybe this is partially my fault: we moved too fast. But you need to think this through. You can’t deny how you feel.”_

_“I’m not-” the word is stuck in her throat. “I’m not like that.”_

_“That?”_

_“I’m not into girls, okay? I’m straight.” Lena chuckled._

_“I didn’t date a straight girl for the four months, I’ll tell you that.”_

_“Fuck you, Lena.”_

_“You did.” Lena looked at her up and down. “In more ways than one apparently. You know, of all the things that I thought that could get in the way of us, this wasn’t one of them.”_

5.

It’s only so long until Lena and Alex could no longer avoid running into each other at game nights. It became ridiculous to a point that Kara questioned them if they were avoiding each other. 

Alex was nervous about it. She was coming to terms with everything that happened (aka how she fucked up due to what Maggie was calling the “gay panic”), but facing Lena and apologizing - actually apologizing to her - was a slow build. And for that, she made sure to bring not one, not two, but three bottles of wine. 

“We are definitely talking about your alcohol addiction at some point,” Kara said taking the bottles from Alex. “You might like to know that Lena brought that Bourbon you like. Not that she knew that you like it, but maybe you can bound over alcohol now that you finally stopped avoiding each other.” 

Alex was no longer registering her words as she noticed Lena by the couch. 

She was wearing less makeup than usual, her hair was loose showing the curls Alex used to see after Lena let her hair dry naturally. Alex remembered to close her mouth when Lena’s eyes caught her staring. Kara seemed to have disappeared from the apartment, but then everything that wasn’t Lena became background noise for Alex.

Lena stood up making her way the kitchen. Alex found herself following her.

She ignored her racing heartbeat as she spoke. “I was hoping we could talk.”

Lena didn’t look at her or gave her any response, but raising her eyebrows while she poured herself a glass of bourbon. 

( _You’ll want to do it sober,_ Maggie had said. _You’ll be nervous and afraid. Don’t let it control you._ ) 

“You were right.”

“That’s really specific,” Lena mocked. 

“I was scared, back then, but it wasn’t your fault. It was me. I wasn’t brave enough to admit to myself that I could like girls. And I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, that makes a lot of a difference four years later. If you want my forgiveness, you’re not getting it.” Alex nodded. “What do you expect to gain from this?”

“Nothing. I’m just coming to terms with it all, and you deserved an apology about what happened and the truth about it and about how I feel.” Lena’s eyes shot up angry at the present tense in that sentence. “I still have feelings for you, Lee.”

“You don’t get to call me that. Or say that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You think it’s going to be that easy? You come to me with a delayed apology and a confession and expect me to fall into your arms.”

Alex shook her head but most words were stuck at her throat. She should’ve rehearsed this, but Maggie just told her to be honest. Alex didn’t have the best honesty record, and maybe this whole conversation could’ve gone a lot better but the words weren’t helping. Thankfully before Alex could worsen the situation Kara appeared.

“Hey guys, we are about to start. Did something happen?”

“No, we were just having a disagreement about physics.” Kara frowned.

“Give us a minute,” Alex asked and Kara nodded. She could tell that something was off, but Alex's voice was stern enough that she didn’t question.

“I’m done talking to you,” Lena said when Kara was far away enough.

“I’m not asking for another chance or anything, just a coffee. And I know that’s more than I can ask from you, so I’ll understand if you’ll say no.”

Lena looked at her up and down. “A coffee, half an hour tops, Tuesday morning.”

+1 Time they didn’t have a secret anymore

Alex handed Kara her coffee as they walked close to the water on a Sunday morning. The same place where she clumsy came out to Kara. She thought it was fitting. Kara’s crinkle was making an appearance since Alex showed at her door that morning. 

“Did something happen? You already came out once, you know that’s not something you have to do monthly, right?” Alex opened a soft smile at Kara’s attempt at humor. It was could to be able to talk to Kara like that.

“Remember back at college when I studied in Metropolis for a semester?” Kara nodded although confused. Alex had completely ghosted Kara during the whole time. She was feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities and getting away for National City did good for her. It was just before she met J’onn. “A lot of things happened that semester, and it took me some time to come to terms with it.” Kara frowned.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” In Kara’s eyes, it was clear what she meant: If you need it, I’ll help you hide the body.

“I met someone in Metropolis. A girl. And we got really close and really fast. As in we kind of dated.” Kara stopped walking.

“I thought Maggie was your gay awakening.”

Alex nodded. She knew it wouldn’t be simple. “I wasn’t ready back then. I was terrified, but also in love with her. In the end, I screwed everything up. Recently she moved to National City, and we kind of ran into each other. We are working on some things, on being friends mostly, and we both decided that we can’t keep it from you any longer if we want to move past it.”

“Wow, that’s. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yeah.” Alex looked down at her feet.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Alex nodded. “I hope you work things out. You deserve to be happy with someone you’re in love with. You know that I wouldn’t have judged you back then? I would have been surprised, but I’d be happy for you.” 

“That’s not all," Alex added. "The girl, well, it’s Lena.”

“Wait. What Lena?”

+2

“She told you, didn’t she?” Lena asked a bit after Kara came to her office bringing lunch.

“She did. I was surprised at first, but it kind of makes sense the two of you together.” Lena raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” 

“It’s been a long time. I’m over it already.”

“Are you? Over it, I mean?” Lena smiled.

“We are friends for now.”

“But in the future…?”

“We’ll see.”


End file.
